i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I want a musical about memes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
