Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
