I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
