if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
