I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
