Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
