I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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