sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you made out with another girl for some wings
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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