these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
