When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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