; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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