I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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