I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
too bad you live with your parents still
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Randomize
