i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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