I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
