Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
