Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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