Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
