If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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