WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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