you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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