I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
