You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
