My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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