I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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