he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
