i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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