There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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