Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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