google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
