im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Randomize
