omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
