Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
