I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
honey bunches of taint.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
