we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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