Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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