He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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