The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
