Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
