i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
