I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
