the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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