dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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