how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
