i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
