Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
