Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got inside last night via doggy door
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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