cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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