did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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