Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
