Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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