You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
