happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
