R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
