"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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