Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
