Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is Oprah even human
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
