He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
