How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
